This blog is to keep track of my writing (from Oct. '14 onward), saving tips and tricks I find, little rants or raves, and so on. If you don't like it, kindly leave. I am a fangirl and reviewer, so do tend to post on that note as well.
Whilst on Youtube recently, I commented on a post talking about how strange my childhood was and how my imagination matched so many of today's conspiracies that I was a tad freaked out (who would be, honestly?)
I'm a big fan of conspiracy theories, urban legends, myths, supernatural things, mysteries, and so on and so forth. Therefore, it's not strange for me to find myself watching anything related to those subjects. Kendall, whom I adore so much, posts about those things all the time. It's what she's known for. So does a few others I follow, but one most noteable is Shane Dawson. Love him to death, too. I have fanart for him back when I was barely a teen.
Here we go, getting on subject. Although I must warn: I don't have my book I wrote down a majority of what I did growing up. At one point, like three years ago maybe, I compiled a shit ton of my thoughts and ideas into one little journal. But then I thought it was stupid and threw it in storage. And as the storage shelter is full of red wasps/paper wasps (can't tell which), I can't access it. I'll have to update with that later. BUT HERE WE GO WITH WHAT I KNOW IN MY HEAD.
DATES:I've had a weird relationship with dates. I wrote down dates all the time when I was little. Idfk, okay. April 14th - two imaginary friends - Linda and A #1 - had this birthday. A man so important in my life, but I swore I never knew his bday, had this bday and I found out after he passed this year. So, 20 years of not knowing (unless I did, because that could make sense. Idk). My current best friend for life has this birthday. When I found that out I was scared shitless. I had another friend from my pre-teens with this birthday. An artist I like has a birthday on here. I've had shit happen on this day (deaths, accidents, having a scary lucid dream, etc). So, let's look back in history though.:
First edition of Webster's dictionary published. (Not really important, but I'm obsessed with learning all about English lit, so hey.)
Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. Fuck. But he died the next morning, so, it's just the event that took place.
J.C Penney opened. In 1902, bruh.
Titanic fucking wrecked. And I was obsessed w that as a child.
Columbia returned to Earth.
Anne Mansfield Sullivan's bday. She taught Helen Keller how to read, write, and speak.
My princess Abigail Breslin was born on this day. wHAT.
Siege of Jerusalem.
A celestial phenomenon is reported over Nuremberg, described as an aerial battle.
First abolition of US established.
Black Sunday dust storm occured in my home state. It was one of the worst.
Sputnik 2 falls from orbit.
Human Genome Project completed.
The horrid event of the 276 girls being abducted by Boko Haram in 2014.
Martin fucking Bormann was born on this day. fml.
Black Day in South Korea. I laughed a lot. If you single on V-Day and/or White Day, you celebrate on this day.
South/Southeast Asian New Year (apparently it & the 13th).
October 4th - I always connected with this day and it was strange. My aunt and uncle were married on the 3rd, in '09. History lesson:
First English translation of the Bible was printed. I've read a majority, if not all, of the Bible and I know I've always wanted to learn Hebrew and Greek so I could read the actual Biblical documents before they were translated - and pre-King James.
Hitler (and Mussolini) met in the Alps bc he needed help to fight England. I'm slightly obsessed w German history. I feel extremely drawn to it and have read and watched so many things regarding the topic.
Wikileaks launched. Cries.
Max Planck died. His son was involved in the 20 July plot (assassinating Hitler). Why so many ties to Germany---
With all this stuff, I decided to look at my birthday in history.
July 6th -
Lots of capturing of people over the centuries.
Anne Frank took refuge in Amsterdam.
Lots of stuff between Scotland & England (which I've always been drawn to Scotland and Ireland, so yeah.)
The last remaining Jewish enterprises in Germany are closed.
Jackie Robinson refuses to move to the back of the bus.
Hartford circus fire.
Friday Kahlo is born.
Now, another thing about dates is that April became a significant month in my life out of nowhere. And now, it seems that it holds everything near and dear to me. My closest friends have birthday back-to-back, events take place, my precious kitten was born. I had surgery for the first time that month.
December 23rd became an ominous date for me as I was diagnosed on that day, but years later, I obtained a good friend with that birthday and I'm shook.
Now on to the weirdness of my childhood.
I had imaginary friends, I was a single child. One of the ones I had was Bloody Mary, but she was different from the legends that were traditionally told. I somehow convinced friends (which is probably bs) that I was her and that I knew the real story of how I died. Like a full-length story of her life, death, and why she was back in my shoes. During this period, my friends and I believed spirits lived in the old showers of our gym as school (which were boarded up), and we thought we'd talk to them. I even created a different language that I said was one that could properly communicate with the supernatural. I taught lessons on it. I spoke it. Not fluently, bc I was a little chicken shit.
At like, 11 maybe, or before turning 11, I decided that I needed to kill off the Bloody Mary ego, so I held a sort of funeral where I banished her from returning and I was upset and cried. It honestly looks like I'm schizophrenic with the alternate personas and paranoia. I know I used to pretend to see them and play with them.
You know that Bloody Mary game where you go in the restroom, turn off the lights, light candles, spin around chanting her name, all that--? I did it and was laughing and told my friends something like, "She says hi and she doesn't take those who are innocent. She'll discuss more at home." I went home and into the woods (my refuge, okay) and would talk with my animals about cutting her off completely. Wtf was up with me as a kid. I wasn't okay.
Moving on; I swore there were portals in my yard and back behind the house. I live on 40 acres in the country. At the time I lived in one house, across from my great-grandparents. And the only other place was a small brown (and rather old) house a few hundred feet down from their house. We had a forest behind our house with ponds, and fields surrounding us.
When I'd go through the portals, I'd become "Queen of Catville" as I was not only to protect my cats, but the animals of the world. I spoke of fairies and nymphs and other mythical beings living in the forest. I remember holding ceremonies every year to celebrate these creatures and my cats and I even had "chores" and "responsibilities" as Queen, because only chosen ones inherit the power. I have all this written in the book I compiled.
I also went through the portals to rescue other worlds and determined that the other worlds were just like ours - like an exact replica - and I needed to save myself from things. I pretended to come back as alternate versions of me.
One time, at like 13, I was super sick and weak (because of JDM), but in the bathtub one evening, I was daydreaming about alternate universes and what it'd be like if another one of me came to this world to be me for a day. I pretended to do that for a couple of days.
I also always had this morbid idea that I'd die before I was 18. I almost died this year, 2017, at 20. Without knowing what was going on.
I wrote stories when I was younger, and one I mentioned in the comments on YT, was that I believed UFOs were people from the future coming back and they are time machines. I don't remember exactly what purpose I said it was for, but I mentioned it to my friends my senior year of HS ('15) and they were like: write a book, idiot.
I've had horrible obsessions with the following topics since I was little: Germany and the Holocaust, cats, Egyptian royalty and history, alternate universes, the apocalypse, horror, lucid dreaming, Paris's catacombs, death, pagans, languages, ancient cultures, religions.
Thanks to my weird ass obsessions, I've become pretty knowledgeable on many grounds, so, thank you tiny Zoe.
For lucid dreaming, I taught myself to do this around 5/6 years old. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but one night I had a lucid dream and when I woke up I was extremely confused, but I figured that if I focused on one thing, or daydreamed about a certain subject, I would do it again. It took me a couple of weeks, but I was a self-taught lucid dreamer. Since then, I've had disturbing dreams, and vast amounts of deja vu to the point I cried as a kid when I'd get it because I was oh so very confused. It freaked me out too much.
My most common lucid dreams, to date that I remember, have always been Apocalypse-related. One was where I was trying to save my family and there was a storm that was disintegrating everything and I felt myself being turned to nothing. Scarred for life.
Another one was related to lava and it was my first night-terror related episode. I was so messed up, that it went on for a few weeks where I was scared to sleep and was visibly shaken. I was at my dad's for the week at the time. We watched that stupid Volcano movie.
Now, I also have stories relating to conspiracies in my family, but to be polite, I won't share intimate details. I've had murders (like 80% sure on that one), people threatening and holding someone at knife/gun point (I was right there, too, for one of them), writing death threats, police harassing my dad, the main police guy keeping a secret from us, but damning my family for it; a lot of shit happened. I have been tempted to write about it in a book or something, but have yet to accomplish that feat.
Also, many know I am a KPOP/Korean lover, because my life has a lot of similarities to Asian (and Spanish) culture, which is very strange. But Korean feels so familiar now. I'm not an effing Koreaboo. Only Kristin can say that. But the language feels so familiar and the strange thing is is that in my language from childhood, Korean sounds similar to some of my words. I know the Spanish-sounding words are normal, because I tried learning it from around age 8/9 or so.(Side note: I was determined to learn as many languages as possible, and that goal still exists.)
As for other things... there's a lot more, but I'd truly need my book for it.
EDIT: This year was especially interesting because of this:
I met this guy through my best friend. He seems normal and into all the things I like. But way more to the point I was like, what is this?? Turns out he believes he is the reincarnation of Nicola Tesla, has a mission in this life, and is doing experiments. He says it was our destiny to meet and we have before. He and I discussed historical matters in the waiting room of an ER (first date and my friend gets sick) and he was discussing politics and religion and stuff I genuinely like, but-- yeah. When he started going on about being Tesla, and his own obsession with it, I was like, "I know little me was strange af, but I can't handle this in my life right now." I wound up having to block him because he was so persistent.
I found it very interesting though that he claimed to be him and claimed we'd met before. I've always liked the idea of reincarnation and past lives, even though I was raised Christian. I swore at one point I must've lived in ancient Egypt. But having this weird encounter with someone so interested in the same things as me and experiencing similar things, I was taken aback.
Second EDIT: If you have any questions or want to tell me how weird I was, my Twitter handle is WolfLuvrZoe, or message me back on YT. (^__^)v
Whilst on Youtube recently, I commented on a post talking about how strange my childhood was and how my imagination matched so many of today's conspiracies that I was a tad freaked out (who would be, honestly?)
I'm a big fan of conspiracy theories, urban legends, myths, supernatural things, mysteries, and so on and so forth. Therefore, it's not strange for me to find myself watching anything related to those subjects. Kendall, whom I adore so much, posts about those things all the time. It's what she's known for. So does a few others I follow, but one most noteable is Shane Dawson. Love him to death, too. I have fanart for him back when I was barely a teen.
Here we go, getting on subject. Although I must warn: I don't have my book I wrote down a majority of what I did growing up. At one point, like three years ago maybe, I compiled a shit ton of my thoughts and ideas into one little journal. But then I thought it was stupid and threw it in storage. And as the storage shelter is full of red wasps/paper wasps (can't tell which), I can't access it. I'll have to update with that later. BUT HERE WE GO WITH WHAT I KNOW IN MY HEAD.
DATES:I've had a weird relationship with dates. I wrote down dates all the time when I was little. Idfk, okay. April 14th - two imaginary friends - Linda and A #1 - had this birthday. A man so important in my life, but I swore I never knew his bday, had this bday and I found out after he passed this year. So, 20 years of not knowing (unless I did, because that could make sense. Idk). My current best friend for life has this birthday. When I found that out I was scared shitless. I had another friend from my pre-teens with this birthday. An artist I like has a birthday on here. I've had shit happen on this day (deaths, accidents, having a scary lucid dream, etc). So, let's look back in history though.:
First edition of Webster's dictionary published. (Not really important, but I'm obsessed with learning all about English lit, so hey.)
Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. Fuck. But he died the next morning, so, it's just the event that took place.
J.C Penney opened. In 1902, bruh.
Titanic fucking wrecked. And I was obsessed w that as a child.
Columbia returned to Earth.
Anne Mansfield Sullivan's bday. She taught Helen Keller how to read, write, and speak.
My princess Abigail Breslin was born on this day. wHAT.
Siege of Jerusalem.
A celestial phenomenon is reported over Nuremberg, described as an aerial battle.
First abolition of US established.
Black Sunday dust storm occured in my home state. It was one of the worst.
Sputnik 2 falls from orbit.
Human Genome Project completed.
The horrid event of the 276 girls being abducted by Boko Haram in 2014.
Martin fucking Bormann was born on this day. fml.
Black Day in South Korea. I laughed a lot. If you single on V-Day and/or White Day, you celebrate on this day.
South/Southeast Asian New Year (apparently it & the 13th).
October 4th - I always connected with this day and it was strange. My aunt and uncle were married on the 3rd, in '09. History lesson:
First English translation of the Bible was printed. I've read a majority, if not all, of the Bible and I know I've always wanted to learn Hebrew and Greek so I could read the actual Biblical documents before they were translated - and pre-King James.
Hitler (and Mussolini) met in the Alps bc he needed help to fight England. I'm slightly obsessed w German history. I feel extremely drawn to it and have read and watched so many things regarding the topic.
Wikileaks launched. Cries.
Max Planck died. His son was involved in the 20 July plot (assassinating Hitler). Why so many ties to Germany---
With all this stuff, I decided to look at my birthday in history.
July 6th -
Lots of capturing of people over the centuries.
Anne Frank took refuge in Amsterdam.
Lots of stuff between Scotland & England (which I've always been drawn to Scotland and Ireland, so yeah.)
The last remaining Jewish enterprises in Germany are closed.
Jackie Robinson refuses to move to the back of the bus.
Hartford circus fire.
Friday Kahlo is born.
Now, another thing about dates is that April became a significant month in my life out of nowhere. And now, it seems that it holds everything near and dear to me. My closest friends have birthday back-to-back, events take place, my precious kitten was born. I had surgery for the first time that month.
December 23rd became an ominous date for me as I was diagnosed on that day, but years later, I obtained a good friend with that birthday and I'm shook.
Now on to the weirdness of my childhood.
I had imaginary friends, I was a single child. One of the ones I had was Bloody Mary, but she was different from the legends that were traditionally told. I somehow convinced friends (which is probably bs) that I was her and that I knew the real story of how I died. Like a full-length story of her life, death, and why she was back in my shoes. During this period, my friends and I believed spirits lived in the old showers of our gym as school (which were boarded up), and we thought we'd talk to them. I even created a different language that I said was one that could properly communicate with the supernatural. I taught lessons on it. I spoke it. Not fluently, bc I was a little chicken shit.
At like, 11 maybe, or before turning 11, I decided that I needed to kill off the Bloody Mary ego, so I held a sort of funeral where I banished her from returning and I was upset and cried. It honestly looks like I'm schizophrenic with the alternate personas and paranoia. I know I used to pretend to see them and play with them.
You know that Bloody Mary game where you go in the restroom, turn off the lights, light candles, spin around chanting her name, all that--? I did it and was laughing and told my friends something like, "She says hi and she doesn't take those who are innocent. She'll discuss more at home." I went home and into the woods (my refuge, okay) and would talk with my animals about cutting her off completely. Wtf was up with me as a kid. I wasn't okay.
Moving on; I swore there were portals in my yard and back behind the house. I live on 40 acres in the country. At the time I lived in one house, across from my great-grandparents. And the only other place was a small brown (and rather old) house a few hundred feet down from their house. We had a forest behind our house with ponds, and fields surrounding us.
When I'd go through the portals, I'd become "Queen of Catville" as I was not only to protect my cats, but the animals of the world. I spoke of fairies and nymphs and other mythical beings living in the forest. I remember holding ceremonies every year to celebrate these creatures and my cats and I even had "chores" and "responsibilities" as Queen, because only chosen ones inherit the power. I have all this written in the book I compiled.
I also went through the portals to rescue other worlds and determined that the other worlds were just like ours - like an exact replica - and I needed to save myself from things. I pretended to come back as alternate versions of me.
One time, at like 13, I was super sick and weak (because of JDM), but in the bathtub one evening, I was daydreaming about alternate universes and what it'd be like if another one of me came to this world to be me for a day. I pretended to do that for a couple of days.
I also always had this morbid idea that I'd die before I was 18. I almost died this year, 2017, at 20. Without knowing what was going on.
I wrote stories when I was younger, and one I mentioned in the comments on YT, was that I believed UFOs were people from the future coming back and they are time machines. I don't remember exactly what purpose I said it was for, but I mentioned it to my friends my senior year of HS ('15) and they were like: write a book, idiot.
I've had horrible obsessions with the following topics since I was little: Germany and the Holocaust, cats, Egyptian royalty and history, alternate universes, the apocalypse, horror, lucid dreaming, Paris's catacombs, death, pagans, languages, ancient cultures, religions.
Thanks to my weird ass obsessions, I've become pretty knowledgeable on many grounds, so, thank you tiny Zoe.
For lucid dreaming, I taught myself to do this around 5/6 years old. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but one night I had a lucid dream and when I woke up I was extremely confused, but I figured that if I focused on one thing, or daydreamed about a certain subject, I would do it again. It took me a couple of weeks, but I was a self-taught lucid dreamer. Since then, I've had disturbing dreams, and vast amounts of deja vu to the point I cried as a kid when I'd get it because I was oh so very confused. It freaked me out too much.
My most common lucid dreams, to date that I remember, have always been Apocalypse-related. One was where I was trying to save my family and there was a storm that was disintegrating everything and I felt myself being turned to nothing. Scarred for life.
Another one was related to lava and it was my first night-terror related episode. I was so messed up, that it went on for a few weeks where I was scared to sleep and was visibly shaken. I was at my dad's for the week at the time. We watched that stupid Volcano movie.
Now, I also have stories relating to conspiracies in my family, but to be polite, I won't share intimate details. I've had murders (like 80% sure on that one), people threatening and holding someone at knife/gun point (I was right there, too, for one of them), writing death threats, police harassing my dad, the main police guy keeping a secret from us, but damning my family for it; a lot of shit happened. I have been tempted to write about it in a book or something, but have yet to accomplish that feat.
Also, many know I am a KPOP/Korean lover, because my life has a lot of similarities to Asian (and Spanish) culture, which is very strange. But Korean feels so familiar now. I'm not an effing Koreaboo. Only Kristin can say that. But the language feels so familiar and the strange thing is is that in my language from childhood, Korean sounds similar to some of my words. I know the Spanish-sounding words are normal, because I tried learning it from around age 8/9 or so.(Side note: I was determined to learn as many languages as possible, and that goal still exists.)
As for other things... there's a lot more, but I'd truly need my book for it.
EDIT: This year was especially interesting because of this:
I met this guy through my best friend. He seems normal and into all the things I like. But way more to the point I was like, what is this?? Turns out he believes he is the reincarnation of Nicola Tesla, has a mission in this life, and is doing experiments. He says it was our destiny to meet and we have before. He and I discussed historical matters in the waiting room of an ER (first date and my friend gets sick) and he was discussing politics and religion and stuff I genuinely like, but-- yeah. When he started going on about being Tesla, and his own obsession with it, I was like, "I know little me was strange af, but I can't handle this in my life right now." I wound up having to block him because he was so persistent.
I found it very interesting though that he claimed to be him and claimed we'd met before. I've always liked the idea of reincarnation and past lives, even though I was raised Christian. I swore at one point I must've lived in ancient Egypt. But having this weird encounter with someone so interested in the same things as me and experiencing similar things, I was taken aback.
Second EDIT: If you have any questions or want to tell me how weird I was, my Twitter handle is WolfLuvrZoe, or message me back on YT. (^__^)v
Name: Zoe Patterson
Known as: Cat Lady - jk! KissDromeda, KissDromedaGirl, Juliane (rp), Hyunchul 현철(rp), Sohee/소희.
Age: Nearly two decades old!
Lives at: Tumblr, AFF, blogspot, Twitter, and currently Evexia.
Country: USA
Favorite Colors: Pastels, Lilac, lavender, any shade of purple basically, white, silver, black, any shade of gray (however, Christian Grey isn't one), clear, any shade of blue, teal, coral, salmon.
Language: English (native), Korean (good enough), Spanish (good enough), intros in Italian, Japanese, Greek, and tagalog.
Hobbies: Writing (ofc), browsing the web, taking care of my cats, drawing, thinking up ideas, playing either Sims or Star Wars, reading, reviewing, dancing, singing, composing.
Favorite Quote: "If you believe in yourself, you're unstoppable."
Likes:
♥ Cats [this is a cat basecode so ofc this is here]
♥ Anything artistic
♥ Korean stuff, and many more cultures, too. I wanted to be an Egyptologist.
♥ Rapping and dancing; composing or choreographing
♥ Tumblr, Twitter, ifunny, etc.
Dislikes:
✖ Haters and fakers
✖ anxiety and depression [suffering from both]
✖ dealing with a lot of stress
Exchange Links
The current linked as "Zahra, Tsabbita, and DianeeyA' are the basecoders for this blog, so they get the creds! The rest are ones I like, my friends, and so on.
Random things since this is already here from the basecode. Check it out, and if it's empty, head on over to my Tumblr tags and browse around. eue Scroll down to the Others section!
I found myself in Wonderland, got back on my feet again - Alice by Avril Lavigne
wow..
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