This blog is to keep track of my writing (from Oct. '14 onward), saving tips and tricks I find, little rants or raves, and so on. If you don't like it, kindly leave. I am a fangirl and reviewer, so do tend to post on that note as well.
What a wonderful daaaay to be alive. Bullshit.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have some problems. JDM, which causes me to have little to no immune system. And then I have depression, which only my close friends know about. And anxiety, which everyone is aware of. And now? Bipolar II disorder. No one can fucking understand. No one here and do you know how many friends I've lost outside of my close circle? A fucking lot! Because people suck and high school is shitty and teachers are so two-faced they're ugly. And me... I have a friend who is my little rock and the other is the raging voice I don't have. And between the two, I ensue in stress and hatred and they express all the shit I hide away.
And two weeks ago? For the first time in ages I tried to fucking kill myself. And it's affected me ever since. No good meds, no good treatment, just shit and shitty people. People here suck. I understand that suicide isn't the answer, but everyone who has tried- everyone who knows the awful feeling you get that numbs you to the core and it kills you... death is the option. Death is the answer. And this fucked up world has no answers - this fucked up world is killing me slowly.
And here's what I posted on my new site's journal, for good measure of how my day is going:
"Of course, my Meme and myself are destined to be denied of actions or words at any given moment. I’m a panic case – a risk no teacher wants. And as soon as I start uttering out warnings of dangerous germs or things because I’m immuno-suppressant and need to know every virus in the school… they judge me. The looks are nasty and the remarks are crude and I have more than a simple immune disease and no one will consider that for a moment. And you know how that feels? Terrible. And today… today is one of those not so good days that I’m left being called a “rumor spreader” and being judged.
I have a cold. And when you have a small immune system, you really can’t fight it off so what happens? You’re left tired. You’re left weak. And I’m at school. Not to boast but if you are weak and sick with a little immune system YOU CAN’T SURVIVE BEING AWAKE ALL DAY AND I’M HERE. And since people know more about other kids at my school with diseases like diabetes or whatever, they think they’re so bad. And I hate hating on others… but… no one ever seems to voice consideration for my position unless they’re my closest friends.
Thanks to all these kinds of things… it causes my anxiety to flare. I have pills, but not with me currently. And my bipolar stuff leads me more to my depression state and anyone suffering from depression knows just how irritating that feels… it’s horrible! And yet… yet these people give me looks and tell me to stop spreading rumors. And it sucks. And I never pity myself but today? Today I’d rather be anyone or anyone else than myself. And that’s sad."
I just want to scream "FUCK YOU" to every person who is irritating me and denying me and pushing me down even if they don't realize it. If you say shit that affects me, I may be dying inside. And... these fucking people irritate me so bad. I can't wait to leave - be it this town, this state, this country, this world.
Only my true friends know me and know my life. They know my love for them. Everyone else... FUCK OFFFF.
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
What a wonderful daaaay to be alive. Bullshit.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have some problems. JDM, which causes me to have little to no immune system. And then I have depression, which only my close friends know about. And anxiety, which everyone is aware of. And now? Bipolar II disorder. No one can fucking understand. No one here and do you know how many friends I've lost outside of my close circle? A fucking lot! Because people suck and high school is shitty and teachers are so two-faced they're ugly. And me... I have a friend who is my little rock and the other is the raging voice I don't have. And between the two, I ensue in stress and hatred and they express all the shit I hide away.
And two weeks ago? For the first time in ages I tried to fucking kill myself. And it's affected me ever since. No good meds, no good treatment, just shit and shitty people. People here suck. I understand that suicide isn't the answer, but everyone who has tried- everyone who knows the awful feeling you get that numbs you to the core and it kills you... death is the option. Death is the answer. And this fucked up world has no answers - this fucked up world is killing me slowly.
And here's what I posted on my new site's journal, for good measure of how my day is going:
"Of course, my Meme and myself are destined to be denied of actions or words at any given moment. I’m a panic case – a risk no teacher wants. And as soon as I start uttering out warnings of dangerous germs or things because I’m immuno-suppressant and need to know every virus in the school… they judge me. The looks are nasty and the remarks are crude and I have more than a simple immune disease and no one will consider that for a moment. And you know how that feels? Terrible. And today… today is one of those not so good days that I’m left being called a “rumor spreader” and being judged.
I have a cold. And when you have a small immune system, you really can’t fight it off so what happens? You’re left tired. You’re left weak. And I’m at school. Not to boast but if you are weak and sick with a little immune system YOU CAN’T SURVIVE BEING AWAKE ALL DAY AND I’M HERE. And since people know more about other kids at my school with diseases like diabetes or whatever, they think they’re so bad. And I hate hating on others… but… no one ever seems to voice consideration for my position unless they’re my closest friends.
Thanks to all these kinds of things… it causes my anxiety to flare. I have pills, but not with me currently. And my bipolar stuff leads me more to my depression state and anyone suffering from depression knows just how irritating that feels… it’s horrible! And yet… yet these people give me looks and tell me to stop spreading rumors. And it sucks. And I never pity myself but today? Today I’d rather be anyone or anyone else than myself. And that’s sad."
I just want to scream "FUCK YOU" to every person who is irritating me and denying me and pushing me down even if they don't realize it. If you say shit that affects me, I may be dying inside. And... these fucking people irritate me so bad. I can't wait to leave - be it this town, this state, this country, this world.
Only my true friends know me and know my life. They know my love for them. Everyone else... FUCK OFFFF.
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
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About Myself
Meet The Cat Lady! Or better known around the web as KissDromeda/KissDromedaGirl.
Name: Zoe Patterson
Known as: Cat Lady - jk! KissDromeda, KissDromedaGirl, Juliane (rp), Hyunchul 현철(rp), Sohee/소희.
Age: Nearly two decades old!
Lives at: Tumblr, AFF, blogspot, Twitter, and currently Evexia.
Country: USA
Favorite Colors: Pastels, Lilac, lavender, any shade of purple basically, white, silver, black, any shade of gray (however, Christian Grey isn't one), clear, any shade of blue, teal, coral, salmon.
Language: English (native), Korean (good enough), Spanish (good enough), intros in Italian, Japanese, Greek, and tagalog.
Hobbies: Writing (ofc), browsing the web, taking care of my cats, drawing, thinking up ideas, playing either Sims or Star Wars, reading, reviewing, dancing, singing, composing.
Favorite Quote: "If you believe in yourself, you're unstoppable."
Likes:
♥ Cats [this is a cat basecode so ofc this is here]
♥ Anything artistic
♥ Korean stuff, and many more cultures, too. I wanted to be an Egyptologist.
♥ Rapping and dancing; composing or choreographing
♥ Tumblr, Twitter, ifunny, etc.
Dislikes:
✖ Haters and fakers
✖ anxiety and depression [suffering from both]
✖ dealing with a lot of stress
Exchange Links
The current linked as "Zahra, Tsabbita, and DianeeyA' are the basecoders for this blog, so they get the creds! The rest are ones I like, my friends, and so on.
Random things since this is already here from the basecode. Check it out, and if it's empty, head on over to my Tumblr tags and browse around. eue Scroll down to the Others section!
I found myself in Wonderland, got back on my feet again - Alice by Avril Lavigne
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
Hey, it's ok. I mean, it's not ok, but everything will be eventually. I am bipolar as well and I know how fucked up it is to have the mood swings that make me hurt people... and then everything gets all fucked up and leads to nasty things. But just know this: no matter how people see you/treat you, you're precious just as you are and there's nothing that can stop you from being so. So fuck them, you're awesome! ^.^
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