This blog is to keep track of my writing (from Oct. '14 onward), saving tips and tricks I find, little rants or raves, and so on. If you don't like it, kindly leave. I am a fangirl and reviewer, so do tend to post on that note as well.
To me, it's sad; saddening how I both hate myself and adore myself. For one, you learn through society and life about how you're supposed to be and then you see others speaking over the same issue and it becomes a norm for people to both... love and hate on themselves. Then you question yourself. Thanks to the whole ordeal facing my JDM - thr struggles of my weight, my looks from the skin part and then the psoriasis part, the chubby, swollen face and the weird looking contractures in my arms and legs... I was used to judgment on my looks. I was used to questions being asked and I even became eagerly ready to answer. But now, looking over everything... should I still feel weird about both hating myself and loving myself? I'm conceited, but why not be able to love who you are? You see the quotes over having to love yourself first, before anyone else (except God, if you're really religious and devout to the rules); otherwise I'm not sure how I should feel. Being happy with yourself is a taboo! People laugh at how conceited or self-loving you are and once you hate on yourself, they judge and pick at you. Humanity... sigh.
So, today as I'm preparing for my senior graduation this Friday, I am looking over my Senior photos (I'm late with them), and I see myself as both chubby and pretty. I love my curves, don't get me wrong. I dislike my boobs to a degree because having big boobs naturally and having to carry them nonstop... pain in the ass. And I even strained my pec. major, which holds up my boob - so there's that. Applause for that. But I digress. It hurts internally that for the first time in forever I can look at photos and think to myself wow, I look so pretty in this and feel satisfied that I actually look better than expected. Then I see the chubbiness and my heart hurts. My boobs make me look bigger than I am; bigger top, smaller bottom. It runs in my family like some powerful gene that has the say-so of everything.
Moving on from my personal looks, as I'm also graduating in two days, then going to my senior trip, I'm scared. My "adult" life is coming and though I've already been in this world as an adult for years, I'm only seventeen and I'm starting my journey to reach my dreams. I'm getting back into K2Z, hopefully, and I'm writing. I've found my passion again and my main baby is being worked on and I've found a happiness in a new twist. Yay! Then there's my fanfic I've had since 2012, where I met amazing girls that were always so supportive of everything and so sweet. I adore them so, so much. Also, I shall note that The Bluebird and The Sparrow by Janette Oke is amazing and a must read! This book is relatable and both heart-wrenching and heart warming. I was advised to read more of her stuff and then read works of a similar author - so hopefully that'll come to something. ^^
As for my dreams after high school... getting General Studies out of the way, then writing a book or two, writing on my fanfics, working with K2Z, seeing if I want to do a build up for medical studies or just working on psychology. Then there's my love of performing arts... what to do? I've had so many opportunities, and still do, so it's weird. But I'm hoping things go well. Life's newest chapter is opening up and I'm ready to step forward. I don't care what others think or who is left to judge me: my life, my options, my rules, my mistakes. I'm not giving up. Never have, never will. <3
To me, it's sad; saddening how I both hate myself and adore myself. For one, you learn through society and life about how you're supposed to be and then you see others speaking over the same issue and it becomes a norm for people to both... love and hate on themselves. Then you question yourself. Thanks to the whole ordeal facing my JDM - thr struggles of my weight, my looks from the skin part and then the psoriasis part, the chubby, swollen face and the weird looking contractures in my arms and legs... I was used to judgment on my looks. I was used to questions being asked and I even became eagerly ready to answer. But now, looking over everything... should I still feel weird about both hating myself and loving myself? I'm conceited, but why not be able to love who you are? You see the quotes over having to love yourself first, before anyone else (except God, if you're really religious and devout to the rules); otherwise I'm not sure how I should feel. Being happy with yourself is a taboo! People laugh at how conceited or self-loving you are and once you hate on yourself, they judge and pick at you. Humanity... sigh.
So, today as I'm preparing for my senior graduation this Friday, I am looking over my Senior photos (I'm late with them), and I see myself as both chubby and pretty. I love my curves, don't get me wrong. I dislike my boobs to a degree because having big boobs naturally and having to carry them nonstop... pain in the ass. And I even strained my pec. major, which holds up my boob - so there's that. Applause for that. But I digress. It hurts internally that for the first time in forever I can look at photos and think to myself wow, I look so pretty in this and feel satisfied that I actually look better than expected. Then I see the chubbiness and my heart hurts. My boobs make me look bigger than I am; bigger top, smaller bottom. It runs in my family like some powerful gene that has the say-so of everything.
Moving on from my personal looks, as I'm also graduating in two days, then going to my senior trip, I'm scared. My "adult" life is coming and though I've already been in this world as an adult for years, I'm only seventeen and I'm starting my journey to reach my dreams. I'm getting back into K2Z, hopefully, and I'm writing. I've found my passion again and my main baby is being worked on and I've found a happiness in a new twist. Yay! Then there's my fanfic I've had since 2012, where I met amazing girls that were always so supportive of everything and so sweet. I adore them so, so much. Also, I shall note that The Bluebird and The Sparrow by Janette Oke is amazing and a must read! This book is relatable and both heart-wrenching and heart warming. I was advised to read more of her stuff and then read works of a similar author - so hopefully that'll come to something. ^^
As for my dreams after high school... getting General Studies out of the way, then writing a book or two, writing on my fanfics, working with K2Z, seeing if I want to do a build up for medical studies or just working on psychology. Then there's my love of performing arts... what to do? I've had so many opportunities, and still do, so it's weird. But I'm hoping things go well. Life's newest chapter is opening up and I'm ready to step forward. I don't care what others think or who is left to judge me: my life, my options, my rules, my mistakes. I'm not giving up. Never have, never will. <3
Name: Zoe Patterson
Known as: Cat Lady - jk! KissDromeda, KissDromedaGirl, Juliane (rp), Hyunchul 현철(rp), Sohee/소희.
Age: Nearly two decades old!
Lives at: Tumblr, AFF, blogspot, Twitter, and currently Evexia.
Country: USA
Favorite Colors: Pastels, Lilac, lavender, any shade of purple basically, white, silver, black, any shade of gray (however, Christian Grey isn't one), clear, any shade of blue, teal, coral, salmon.
Language: English (native), Korean (good enough), Spanish (good enough), intros in Italian, Japanese, Greek, and tagalog.
Hobbies: Writing (ofc), browsing the web, taking care of my cats, drawing, thinking up ideas, playing either Sims or Star Wars, reading, reviewing, dancing, singing, composing.
Favorite Quote: "If you believe in yourself, you're unstoppable."
Likes:
♥ Cats [this is a cat basecode so ofc this is here]
♥ Anything artistic
♥ Korean stuff, and many more cultures, too. I wanted to be an Egyptologist.
♥ Rapping and dancing; composing or choreographing
♥ Tumblr, Twitter, ifunny, etc.
Dislikes:
✖ Haters and fakers
✖ anxiety and depression [suffering from both]
✖ dealing with a lot of stress
Exchange Links
The current linked as "Zahra, Tsabbita, and DianeeyA' are the basecoders for this blog, so they get the creds! The rest are ones I like, my friends, and so on.
Random things since this is already here from the basecode. Check it out, and if it's empty, head on over to my Tumblr tags and browse around. eue Scroll down to the Others section!
I found myself in Wonderland, got back on my feet again - Alice by Avril Lavigne
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